R.S. Dunn is the editor of the poetry journal Asbestos, former editor of Medicinal Purposes Literary Review, the
erstwhile host of the "Poet to Poet" cable television show and has appeared in such publications as Krax,
Imago, Mobius, Art Times; Rattapallax, Nomad’s Choir, Critical Perspectives in Accounting (go figure), and
Pegasus. His full-length collections of poetry include "Zen Yentas in Bondage", "Playing in Traffic", "Horse
Latitudes" and "Baffled in Baloneyville" Additionally, a CD: "Sickly Minutes".
erstwhile host of the "Poet to Poet" cable television show and has appeared in such publications as Krax,
Imago, Mobius, Art Times; Rattapallax, Nomad’s Choir, Critical Perspectives in Accounting (go figure), and
Pegasus. His full-length collections of poetry include "Zen Yentas in Bondage", "Playing in Traffic", "Horse
Latitudes" and "Baffled in Baloneyville" Additionally, a CD: "Sickly Minutes".
Dracula's Super Service
Last Halloween, I noticed that
I was running out of fuel.
I like to keep my car tanked up--
It is my primary rule.
And I saw a sight that was guaranteed
To rush me back to Mass:
At my favorite service station
I found Dracula pumping gas.
He had on a velvet tuxedo.
His cape and gloves were chintz.
Every now and then he'd spill a drop
On his clothes. It made me wince.
Jehoshaphat, how the mighty had fallen!
It all seemed rather crass--
A ghoul of Dracula's pedigree
Reduced to pumping gas.
I pulled up to him cautiously;
Said "High Test, s'il vous plait.
Don’t bother checking the oil--
I've done two hundred miles today."
Then he grabbed a rather hairy bat
To clean my windshield’s glass.
"I got to keep up my standards,"
Remarked Drac while pumping gas.
"But this job does not agree with me.
It makes me want to pout.
For I got to pump the fluid in,
Instead of sucking it out ...
Which is against the natural scheme of things.
'Hey, you ain't got no class!'
Is what other vampires jeer at me
When they see me pumping gas."
"Then why keep this job?" I asked him
As he suppressed a little cough.
"I used to like to hang from the grease rack--
But my feet kept slipping off.
And I've been here so long, my resume
Is unfit for wrapping bass."
So, kids, that is why Count Dracula
Continues pumping gas.
The moral of this story is:
When you go Trick or Treat,
Spare a thought for those unfortunates
Who cannot make ends meet.
Your costume may make you look like
One of Beelzebub's top brass--
But one wrong move and you'll end up
Like Count Dracula pumping gas.
Last Halloween, I noticed that
I was running out of fuel.
I like to keep my car tanked up--
It is my primary rule.
And I saw a sight that was guaranteed
To rush me back to Mass:
At my favorite service station
I found Dracula pumping gas.
He had on a velvet tuxedo.
His cape and gloves were chintz.
Every now and then he'd spill a drop
On his clothes. It made me wince.
Jehoshaphat, how the mighty had fallen!
It all seemed rather crass--
A ghoul of Dracula's pedigree
Reduced to pumping gas.
I pulled up to him cautiously;
Said "High Test, s'il vous plait.
Don’t bother checking the oil--
I've done two hundred miles today."
Then he grabbed a rather hairy bat
To clean my windshield’s glass.
"I got to keep up my standards,"
Remarked Drac while pumping gas.
"But this job does not agree with me.
It makes me want to pout.
For I got to pump the fluid in,
Instead of sucking it out ...
Which is against the natural scheme of things.
'Hey, you ain't got no class!'
Is what other vampires jeer at me
When they see me pumping gas."
"Then why keep this job?" I asked him
As he suppressed a little cough.
"I used to like to hang from the grease rack--
But my feet kept slipping off.
And I've been here so long, my resume
Is unfit for wrapping bass."
So, kids, that is why Count Dracula
Continues pumping gas.
The moral of this story is:
When you go Trick or Treat,
Spare a thought for those unfortunates
Who cannot make ends meet.
Your costume may make you look like
One of Beelzebub's top brass--
But one wrong move and you'll end up
Like Count Dracula pumping gas.
R.S. Dunn
Pantoum: Halloween Humbug
Trick or treat! That hated phrase,
Set off by ringing doorbells, hangs
Swimming in a glucose haze--
Marked by urchins, flashing fangs.
Set off by ringing doorbells, hangs
A skeletal knickknack, grinning, gleaming,
Marked by urchins, flashing fangs,
Belting out obnoxious screaming.
A skeletal knickknack, grinning, gleaming,
Swimming in a glucose haze,
Belting out obnoxious screaming:
"Trick or treat!" (that hated phrase).
Trick or treat! That hated phrase,
Set off by ringing doorbells, hangs
Swimming in a glucose haze--
Marked by urchins, flashing fangs.
Set off by ringing doorbells, hangs
A skeletal knickknack, grinning, gleaming,
Marked by urchins, flashing fangs,
Belting out obnoxious screaming.
A skeletal knickknack, grinning, gleaming,
Swimming in a glucose haze,
Belting out obnoxious screaming:
"Trick or treat!" (that hated phrase).