Hailing from the aptly named "Jet City" Seattle, WA, the
Space Cretins bring a heavy dose of super-cyber punk
rock-n-roll with a neon kick for the good times. Imagine
Ziggy Stardust with The Ramones as his tour band and
you've got The Space Cretins--a sound that takes the
energy of punk, the snottiness of glam, and the groove of
80's L.A. sleaze rock.
Their CD "Direct from the Superfreak Highway" was
released in November 2008 and is available a CDBaby.com
Hear them on Myspace at
On YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/paulblow13
General Mayhem Online (merch/tour dates/etc) here:
Sick and tired of the negativity and depressing nature of the grunge Seattle music scene,
and inspired by a chance encounter in a Hong Kong karaoke bar, Paul Diamond Blow
hooked up with some former band-mates and formed glam/punk band The Space Cretins.
"It's a spiritual thing," says Blow, frontman and lead guitarist for the band. "But we're much
more than just another 3-chord rock band. We're a 3-chord band with a Plan..."
According to the Space Cretins charter, there are four requirements to becoming a band
member: 1) must be attractive to the ladies 2) must love big, dumb rock 3) must be a great
performer and 4) must be attractive to the ladies.
After hearing that this band was inspired by a chance meeting in a karaoke bar with William
Shatner, I had to check them out. I contacted lead vocalist Paul Diamond Blow to find out
more about what inspires him and what this band was all about.
Blow talks about the band, shares his poetry and you better believe I was ready to question
him on his references to KFC and more on William Shatner
TBS: I have to mention something right away. You were pushed, inspired by William
Shatner in Hong Kong? Please explain what happened in your own words.
PDB: First off, this is a 100% true story that actually happened, you probably read only
the short version on the internet. There I was, in Hong Kong on business--don't ask what
kind!--back in the Fall of 2002. I was partying down one night at a karaoke bar, just maxin'
and relaxin', having a good time--I think it was a place called the Blue Flaming Dragon--and
low and behold there was William Shatner hanging out in the same place! He actually did an
awesome karaoke version of "Blue Velvet", spoken word style of course, and I did a
somewhat lame version of "November Rain". Anyway, Bill and I got to talking. He actually
approached me telling me he too was an Axl Rose fan, and he also said I had a "Spock"
haircut. I guess back then I kind of did, only shaggier. So Bill and I talked all night over
drinks about spoken word, literature, philosophy and music. Bill convinced me that the time
was right for a "super-cyber rock-n-roll band", as he put it. Something like David Bowie
used to do with Ziggy Stardust, but updated with some sleaze rock and punk rock
influences, such as the Ramones, and done totally loud and bangin'! The loud and bangin'
part was my idea. I wrote the whole thing down on a napkin, stuffed it in my pocket, and
completely forgot about it the next day when I sobered up. A month later while doing laundry
I found the napkin and it all came back to me. I immediately bought some brand new Les
Paul guitars and proceeded to write and record a batch of high-octane "super-cyber" rock
songs which later became the basis for the Space Cretins as a band. The rest is history.
Paul Diamond Blow
Interview with Kim Acrylic
TBS: So you guys have these strange super hero/glam personas how did that come about? And what is your role in the band?
PDB: Well, we do have special powers besides being able to rock so amazingly well. Our drummer, Danger Dayne Bam Bam, can bend silverware with the
power of his mind--he's actually been thrown out of restaurants for that. Our bass player, Scotty Astronaughty, has X-ray vision in one eye and our new
guitarist, Danny Heartthrob, can talk to animals. I myself have the power of mental telepathy. In fact when I write a new song I transmit it to the other
members while they sleep; that way they automatically know the song when they wake up. I think it's a lot more interesting when a band takes on a persona. I
mean, who cares about a band who are just normal Joes that enjoy wearing blue jeans and playing music? Not me, that's boring. I like to think of the Space
Cretins as sophisticated, futuristic, leather-clad comic book characters who know how to rock, know how to party, know how to put on a show, and know how
to show a lady a good time. Imagine characters from the Matrix movies beaming in on stage and rocking out. That's what I want to see at a show. That's my
role in the band, I'm the visionary. I'm also the spiritual leader of the band. Before each and every show we play I always lead the other members in Tai Chi
exercises to loosen up and create fusion... fusion of mind and body.
TBS: It's been mentioned you must be attractive to the ladies as one of the requirements for being in the band. But what is attractive to ladies? Every girl
is different... hmmm?
PDB: That is true that every girl is different. When I say a Space Cretin must be attractive to the ladies, I mean ladies of the glam/punk/rock-n-roll variety...
we don't care about normal women who would rather go out with Brad Pitt than Paul Stanley or Joey Ramone. And most rock-n-roll-type women do think the
Space Cretins are sexy. It's a spiritual sexuality actually. It's not just about looks, it's about personality, charisma, charm, and self-confidence. I'm going to
write a book about it one day and call it "How To Pick Up Chicks: the Paul Diamond Blow Method."
TBS: Any other bands people may recognize you from previous to the Space Cretins?
PDB: I've been in several other bands back in the day including RPA--a metal/punk band; the Suffocated -- another metal/punk/hardcore band with a
GBH/Motorhead influence; the Ace Diamond Bimbos--a party rock band ala KISS which also featured Danger Dayne Bam Bam on drums; and most notably
the Berserkers which was yet another metal/punk band with a Motorhead influence. Motorhead was a big influence on my early bands. The Space Cretins is
the most rock-oriented, non-metal band of them all, though. I guess you can say I've matured as an artist... in a retarded sort of way. Every band I've been in
has been cool. I would not be in an un-cool band.
TBS: You describe the Seattle music scene as bi-polar. Explain that label a bit more.
PDB: Let's face it, the rock music scene in Seattle has been dominated by bands that play depressing and/or angry music ever since the grunge era in
the '90s. We've now got tons of metal, punk and hardcore bands that play heavy, dark, and pissed off music. Ugly music for ugly people, is what I like to call
it. It's quite negative really. The message seems to be "life sucks" or "life sucks so let's messed up" rather than "life is fantastic, let's have a good time". Life
doesn't really suck, not if you know how to enjoy and appreciate it. Paul Stanley said something like that about Seattle bands at his concert here last year,
and he was right. I told him so after the show. Personally, I don't want to listen to music that makes me feel depressed or angry. I want to hear music that will
energize me with positive vibes and pump me up, put me in a good mood. That's what the Space Cretins are all about--we want to pump you up and make
you feel good. We are the "Prozac" of punk rock. I sing about "getting high" a lot, but I'm not singing about getting high on drugs, it's a spiritual high I sing
about. I'm a spiritual person after all, I believe in ghosts, aliens, the supernatural world. There's a lot out there, man! There's a lot more to sing about than
fast cars and drinking beer.
TBS: Big, dumb rock. What IS that? I see it's a requirement for band members.
PDB: Big, dumb rock is rock music that is simple in it's riffage yet contains hooks and melodies that make for good songs, done with loud sizzling power
chords played on Les Pauls and delivered through Marshall stacks. The lyrics don't have to be pretentious poetry, either. They don't even have to make
sense. The lyrics can be totally silly and stupid--they just have to sound good with the music. KISS is a good example of big, dumb rock. So are the
Ramones, my favorite retardo-rock band of all time.
TBS: So was Shatner a big revolution for you guys, or did it just add to the
already craziness of the band's attitude?
PDB: William Shatner is one of my idols. It's his whole cheesy personality
that does it for me. I mean, he does not take himself seriously at all, he knows
how to have fun with his image. I totally love his acting style, his spoken word
stuff, his whole vibe really. It's all about the cheese. I also love the cheesy
stuff and I don't take myself too seriously at all! Bill made an appearance in
our Space Cretins TV cartoon show, which aired on the public access TV
stations last year; that was a real treat.
TBS: What inspires your music and style?
PDB: I'm what you might call a "hybrid" rocker... I take all the best things
from glam rock, punk rock, classic rock and even new wave and mix-mash it
together with a dash of sauce to make one Paul Diamond Blow. That's an
original recipe and I do have it trademarked. The bands and musicians that
have inspired me the most are the Ramones, KISS, David Bowie, Keith
Richards, Iggy Pop, plus newer bands such as the Toilet Boys and the Space
Age Playboys. David Bowie, though--he truly inspires me. I think he's the most
talented artist of our time and I love the way he constantly reinvents himself.
I'm also inspired by the martial arts (of which I'm a practitioner), low-brow art,
Planet of the Apes and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
TBS: How would you describe the audience you attract?
PDB: Well, we're not the kind of band whose audience all looks or dresses the same, who all have mohawks, or consists of just large, sweaty, shirtless bald
men with tribal tattoos. We get a large assortment of types from all genres, plus people who don't fit in with any certain clique; free thinkers, artists, lovers, former
junkies, high rollers, hot moms, small dogs, playboy bunnies, and androids of all sexes... we are the "melting pot" of punk rock! But mostly we attract people who
just want to have fun and rock out with their genitals out. Supposedly, Kevin Bacon's nephew's best friend's former room mate is a huge fan.
TBS: And lastly, who does that makeup of yours?
PDB: You're probably referring to a couple "glammy" photos I have up on Myspace. Really, I don't wear makeup much at all, although I do have a thing for
black lipstick. I think it looks good on me, it goes good with the black hair. Aside from that, I also enjoy some glitter lip gloss once in a while. But to me, glam rock
isn't about wearing tons of makeup or dressing up in drag. It's more about the attitude, about being young, loud and snotty. I'm sassy like that. And here
submitted for your amusement is my spoken word piece titled "KFC Drivethru" originally published in my book "Ramblings of a Rock Star":
Succulent chicken meat dangling on ice
and William Shatner on my mind.
beam me up to bliss
hunger strikes high around midnight
and sometimes noon. There remains a
Feast to be devoured so I
hurry in my 1984 Cutlass Supreme
to gain ecstasy and perhaps
cherry pie heaven...
"May I take your order?"
"Might I have a pound of unfeathered flesh meat,
sauced to perfection extra crispy
a morsel for a man of exquisite tastes
and humble desires... thighs fleshy and tender,
breasts full of desire and yet tangy and sweet...
my tongue awaits your pleasures..."
"Would you like anything to drink with that?"
"A glass of ice water would be lovely..."
And so it goes...
TBS: Ah, lovely Shatner reference there, yet again. So when did you write this piece and what was the inspiration?
PDB: I wrote "KFC Drivethru" in 1998 or so, it was a takeoff on a comedy piece I had once written about ordering a meal at KFC and I took that and turned it into a
free-form spoken word piece.
TBS: Do you read poetry and if so, who?
PDB: No, I do not read poetry, but I do enjoy the spoken word stuff, especially when it's not too serious. My favorite spoken word artist would have to be Korey Clarke,
singer for the New York band Warrior Soul. His stuff is dynamite.
TBS: Is this piece published or in process of?
PDB: It was published in my poetry book called "Ramblings of a Rock Star", which I actually had only 100 copies printed, most of which I gave away for free. I also
made a video out of it which aired a few times on the public access stations around Seattle, and you can find the video on the internet and the poem itself is on a few
websites here and there.
TBS: Do you think reading or writing poetry is underrated, and if so, in what ways?
PDB: No, I don't think it's underrated, after all it's just words! I like to write it for fun and the way I do it is I just start typing the first thing that pops in my mind and just let
it ramble. More often than not, it results in cool little ditty. It also helps to play some Iggy Pop while writing, for some reason. I always thought the spoken word thing
was cool live. I think it's great at punk rock shows in between bands, but you rarely see it done like that anywhere. The first time I ever performed spoken word live was
at an SNFU show way back when. I performed a hastily written piece, something about "circling birds" and SNFU backed me up with weird sound effects. It was cool.
TBS: You write for the "Seattle Sinner"--tell us a bit about that and other things you have written for.
PDB: A friend of mine who writes for the Seattle Sinner told me I should write a sex advice column for the magazine. I thought, what the heck, why not put a twist on
that and write an advice column from the "players" point of view. So I called my first column "Ask the Player". Kind of a humorous advice column about picking up
chicks and being a loverman. It was a joke, of course. The Player thing was good for a couple issues but I've since changed my column into what I now call "Huggy
Talk" in which I write about myself, my world, and the people that live in it. I also write about people, places, bands, or things I think are cool and are worthy of some
press. I've always enjoyed writing. As a youth, I actually wrote what would have been the sixth Planet of the Apes film. My novel was called "Survivors of the Planet of
the Apes". I wrote a couple hundred pages but then ran out of steam. It was pretty good for a twelve-year-old, though. I also write articles and items for a couple of
internet websites, but the "Sinner" is the only print magazine I write for. Writing to me is another way to express myself besides music.
TBS: Fabulous, thanks for your time and talent
PDB: You're welcome, and keep on rockin' like Dokken!